Episode 12: Hearts Breaking

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Extra content note: war, medical operations, suicidal ideation

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

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I’m still pretty terrified of my dad stopping existing. He has been such a part of my life that it feels like a world without him in it is impossible. But ever since I was a child, I have been imagining that world. I’ve played out his death so many times. I’ve written it into fiction and songs. I’ve spent hours in my mind going through how it will be. What I might think and do. How it will affect me. How it will affect my family. And I’ve always thought it would probably happen soon. But it never has.

This episode is about confronting death and confronting love. It includes the story of my dad's war and of his heart attack and quadruple heart bypass.

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Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: www.pick-art.co.uk

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