Episode 18: Legacy

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Additional content note: sex, assisted dying, war

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

This episode is the last episode of the first (and possibly last) season of this show, and it's about legacy.

I’ve been planning this show for years. The earliest recording I’ve used was recorded by my dad on cassette tape in 1984. This show has covered 96 years of my dad’s life and 38 years of mine. I started recording interviews with my dad in 2011 and began writing essays about our relationship and his journey through old age towards death in 2017.

I’m glad I made this show. That it hasn’t just remained an imagined show. It’s been a tough journey at times, but it’s one I’m so glad I’ve made. Thanks for travelling on it with me.

Getting Better Acquainted Episode 155

Getting Better Acquainted Episode 278

The Family Tree

The Family Tree Season 3 - Episode 11 - An Oak Tree to Willowbridge Part 1

The Family Tree Season 3 - Episode 12 - An Oak Tree to Willowbridge Part 2

This episode of The Z List Dead List tells one of the stories in this episode it in a more comprehensive way: The Spy's Wife Who Loved Me

Getting Better Acquainted 285 - Wild Goose Road Trips, 1969

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

Episode 17: The Box and the Jar

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Extra content note: grief, suicide, terminal illness, abuse, bereavement

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

In the final full episode of the podcast using content funded by the British Podcast Awards and the Wellcome Trust I talk to counselor and psychotherapist Karen Pollock MBACP about grief and death. This is an episode about ways of thinking (and feeling) about bereavement, therapeutic approaches to change and loss, how the systems and attitudes around and inside us effect the ways we deal with difficult things, and so much more. It is the only episode of the show that doesn't feature my dad's voice but he is very present in the conversation.

Karen on twitter

Counselling in Northumberland

Non-Binary Lives: An Anthology of Intersecting Identities

The Messiness of Grief|

Opening the door to difficult conversations

Death and second chances

Crossbones Graveyard

Ghost Bikes

Academic Archers

Kübler-Ross

Dylan Thomas: Do not go gentle into that good night

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

Episode 16: Waves

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Additional content note: euthanasia/suicide

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

But no matter what he forgets, it can’t take away the love we have shared, that existed, and will always have existed, even when he has forgotten it; even when he is no longer alive to remember it; even when I have forgotten it; even when I am no longer alive to remember it. It happened. And that has to be enough.

This episode is about movement, memory, change, time, distance, tears, connection, therapy, sadness, love, grief and everything else that can come in waves.

My dad on filming Paul Robeson

Some of the waves in this episode came from a recording originally made by Martin Austwick for this episode of Field Recordings.

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

Episode 15: Death is not something that can be kept at a distance

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Extra content note: bereavement, pain, terminal illness (including cancer) and the caste system

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

In the seventh full episode of the podcast using content funded by the British Podcast Awards and the Wellcome Trust I talk to Khyati Tripathi about studying death. This is an episode about understanding and navigating mortality and creating spaces where we can talk about difficult and taboo topics.

Khyati on twitter

Remaining with death

Association for the Study of Death and Society

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

Episode 14: André Gorz Tweet

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Additional content note: euthanasia/suicide

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

I realised that maybe our positions aren’t that different after all. And I wondered if, in the moments that I manage to believe in hope, I seem as inspiring and naïve as he does. It made me wonder if maybe the spark I see in him, that belief in people and ideas, if that isn’t also in me, despite my frequent feeling that it isn’t. If I might communicate that to other people regardless. If the world as humans know it lasts for long enough for me to reach a similar age as my dad, I wonder if I will be someone who frustrates and delights young people with my faith in them, whether I will still accept the possibility of hope and change?

This episode is about belief, hope and progress. It considers technological change, generational change, spiritual change and political change.

André Gorz

André Gorz Tweet

Kimberley Crenshaw

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: www.pick-art.co.uk

Episode 13: New answers to old questions

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Extra content note: operations, medical procedures, assisted dying, euthanasia

In the sixth full episode of the podcast using content funded by the British Podcast Awards and the Wellcome Trust I talk to sociologist Dr Gill Haddow about embodiment, replaceable hearts, everyday cyborgs, humanimals and unhealth. This is an episode about possible futures and how we feel about our bodies.

Gill on twitter

Everyday Cyborgs and Humanimals 2018

Animal, Mechanical and Me

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

The BPA Fund has a survey that I’d really appreciate you filling in if you have a few moments. You can find it here: http://podcastviews.com

For some extra incentive if you fill it in you can be entered into a draw for a £50 Amazon voucher. For the purposes of this survey “Getting Better Acquainted” counts as "Down to a sunless sea" whether you are listening to it via the GBA feed or not.

Episode 12: Hearts Breaking

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Extra content note: war, medical operations, suicidal ideation

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

I’m still pretty terrified of my dad stopping existing. He has been such a part of my life that it feels like a world without him in it is impossible. But ever since I was a child, I have been imagining that world. I’ve played out his death so many times. I’ve written it into fiction and songs. I’ve spent hours in my mind going through how it will be. What I might think and do. How it will affect me. How it will affect my family. And I’ve always thought it would probably happen soon. But it never has.

This episode is about confronting death and confronting love. It includes the story of my dad's war and of his heart attack and quadruple heart bypass.

Spark True Stories: Podcast Website Facebook Twitter Instagram

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: www.pick-art.co.uk

The BPA Fund has a survey that I’d really appreciate you filling in if you have a few moments. You can find it here: podcastviews.com

For some extra incentive if you fill it in you can be entered into a draw for a £50 Amazon voucher. For the purposes of this survey “Getting Better Acquainted” counts as "Down to a sunless sea" whether you are listening to it via the GBA feed or not.

Episode 11: Drink Sangria in the park

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Extra content note: PTSD, dependency/addiction, rape (touched on lightly, no descriptions)

In the fifth full episode of the podcast using content funded by the British Podcast Awards and the Wellcome Trust I talk to psychologist and epidemiologist Dr Suzi Gage from the podcast Say Why to Drugs about researching recreational drug use and mental health.

Say Why to Drugs with Dr Suzi Gage

Say Why to Drugs by Dr Suzi Gage

Suzi on twitter.

Suzi’s website.

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

The BPA Fund has a survey that I’d really appreciate you filling in if you have a few moments. You can find it here: http://podcastviews.com

For some extra incentive if you fill it in you can be entered into a draw for a £50 Amazon voucher. For the purposes of this survey “Getting Better Acquainted” counts as "Down to a sunless sea" whether you are listening to it via the GBA feed or not.

Episode 10: Friendship Part 2

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

This episode is about creating things: imaginary worlds, homes and friendship. It's also about walls: drawing on walls, putting up boundaries, and pulling down the walls inside your mind and heart.

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

The BPA Fund has a survey that I’d really appreciate you filling in if you have a few moments. You can find it here: http://podcastviews.com

For some extra incentive if you fill it in you can be entered into a draw for a £50 Amazon voucher. For the purposes of this survey “Getting Better Acquainted” counts as "Down to a sunless sea" whether you are listening to it via the GBA feed or not.

Episode 9: We're not in uncharted territory

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Extra content note: Suicide, self-harm, bereavement, war, antisemitism, the Nazis, COVID-19

In the fourth full episode of the podcast using content funded by the British Podcast Awards and the Wellcome Trust I talk to health psychologist Professor Rory O'Connor about researching suicidal behaviour. And to historian Professor Julie Gottlieb about researching suicide increases in times of crisis, specifically during the "War of Nerves" (1938-1939) and the Munich Crisis (September/October 1938).

Help lines/organisations:

The Samaritans 116 123

Sane 0300 304 700

CALM 0800 58 58 58

Mind 0300 123 3393

Rethink

National Survivor User Network

National Self Harm Network

Julie Gottlieb:

Twitter

Post-Referendum Depression

Brexiety and breakdown: How political crisis damages our mental health

Surviving a “War of Nerves”: Lessons for the age of coronavirus from 1930s Britain

Books

Rory O’Connor:

Twitter

Suicide Research

COVID19 Mental Health Study

Dave Pickering:

What About the men? Mansplaining Masculinity podcast

Mansplaining Masculinity

Four Thought: Liberating Men

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

The BPA Fund has a survey that I’d really appreciate you filling in if you have a few moments. You can find it here: http://podcastviews.com

For some extra incentive if you fill it in you can be entered into a draw for a £50 Amazon voucher. For the purposes of this survey “Getting Better Acquainted” counts as "Down to a sunless sea" whether you are listening to it via the GBA feed or not.

Episode 8: Chivalry

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Extra content note: sexism, misogyny, questionable behavior, power dynamics and age gaps within romantic and sexual situations.

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

When I made a show about my relationship with masculinity, I talked a lot about my mum and my stepdad, but my dad hardly featured at all. When he did, he was a positive presence and represented an alternative version of masculinity. When you’re trying to condense your history into an hour-long show, you have to leave some bits out. But there’s also something inside me that doesn’t want to deconstruct my dad. I don’t want to mess too much with the positive parts of my childhood.

This episode is about masculinity, privilege and performance.

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: www.pick-art.co.uk/

The BPA Fund has a survey that I’d really appreciate you filling in if you have a few moments. You can find it here: podcastviews.com

For some extra incentive if you fill it in you can be entered into a draw for a £50 Amazon voucher. For the purposes of this survey “Getting Better Acquainted” counts as "Down to a sunless sea" whether you are listening to it via the GBA feed or not.

Episode 7: Friendship Part 1

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

It’s important to keep in mind that the story of my relationship with my dad is only one part of his life. It’s only one of the ways he has been a father: the context of my childhood has been very different from the context of my siblings’ childhoods. While he was retired for most of my life, for the rest of my siblings, he was someone who went out to work. 

This episode is about friendship, parenting, love and care.

This is the full GBA conversation that we had about parenting.

To hear more Apples for Everyone click here.

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

The BPA Fund has a survey that I’d really appreciate you filling in if you have a few moments. You can find it here: http://podcastviews.com For some extra incentive if you fill it in you can be entered into a draw for a £50 Amazon voucher. For the purposes of this survey “Getting Better Acquainted” counts as "Down to a sunless sea" whether you are listening to it via the GBA feed or not.

Episode 6: I don't want to die, but I'm dying

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Extra content note: Bereavement, suicide, disability, abortion, terminal illness

In the third full episode of the podcast using content funded by the British Podcast Awards and the Wellcome Trust I talk to three doctors with different perspectives and experiences that inform their opinions around assisted dying and euthanasia, something my dad has long advocated for and wishes was available to him.

Dr Rob Jonquiere is the executive director of The World Federation of Right to Die Societies.

Dr  Jacqueline Davis chairs Healthcare Professionals for Assisted Dying which is part of UK organisation Dignity in Dying.

Dr Mark Pickering is chief executive officer of the Christian Medical Fellowship and part of UK organisation Care Not Killing.

NVVE.

Dignitas.

Cicely Saunders.

Brittany Maynard.

BMA Survey.

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

The BPA Fund has a survey that I’d really appreciate you filling in if you have a few moments.  You can find it here: http://podcastviews.com  

For some extra incentive if you fill it in you can be entered into a draw for a £50 Amazon voucher. For the purposes of this survey “Getting Better Acquainted” counts as “Down to a sunless sea” whether you are listening to it via the GBA feed or not.

Episode 5: Desire Paths

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

Memories are like desire paths: when you first walk down them, they are overgrown and full of details. The more you walk them, the more eroded they become; they are smoothed out and set. You get to what you remember more quickly, but what you remember has become something else. You no longer have to look for landmarks because there is a path for you to walk.

This episode is about time memory, childhood, dementia and Citizen Kane.

The full roadtrip to Bristol went out as a Getting Better Acquainted special which you can listen to in full here.

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

The BPA Fund has a survey that I’d really appreciate you filling in if you have a few moments. You can find it here: http://podcastviews.com

For some extra incentive if you fill it in you can be entered into a draw for a £50 Amazon voucher. For the purposes of this survey “Getting Better Acquainted” counts as “Down to a sunless sea” whether you are listening to it via the GBA feed or not.

Episode 4: Old people are people

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

In the second full episode of the podcast using content funded by the British Podcast Awards and the Wellcome Trust I talk to Dr Jonathan Huntley about the work he is doing looking into awareness in people living with advanced dementia. And to Dr Daniel Davis about the work he is doing looking at how delirium and dementia impact society and health at a population level. 

Dr Jonathan Huntley: UCL / Wellcome

Dr Daniel Davis: UCLH / Wellcome

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

Episode 3: We are all time travellers

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Additional content note for this episode: Euthanasia, suicide

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

Time is the longest distance between two places.
Even when we are no longer here, we are always in time.

This episode is about time travel, death, dementia and love.

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

Episode 2: Comparing Notes

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

In the first full episode of the podcast using content funded by the British Podcast Awards and the Wellcome Trust I talk to fellow Pulse Award recipient and podcaster Penny Bell.

We compare notes on documenting a parent living with dementia, and discuss the similarities and differences between our parents' experience of, and attitude towards, dementia.

You can find Penny's podcast Discovering Dementia wherever you get your podcasts. Here for example.

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/

Episode 1: Documenting

General content note for the series: death, dementia, old age, mental health issues

The narration in this episode is based around this medium piece.

Find and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcasts.

A document is a piece of evidence; a record; a proof of something. By this definition, we are all living documents, documents that may or may not be lost to history. What parts of us are recorded? What parts of us are seen?

We record our lives and the lives of others, using our memory and our technology. We choose what to record, how we record it and how we present it, sometimes consciously and sometimes subconsciously. We don’t always fully choose because we can only work with what we have; sometimes our choices are more restricted than others. We are all documents; we are all documenters; we are all Documentary Makers.

Spark London/Spark True Stories

The Restart Project (the social enterprise I make podcasts for)

My dad’s filmography

My dad’s first film

Artwork by my brother Tony Pickering: http://www.pick-art.co.uk/